Marriage in Japan: What It’s Really Like (& How It Actually Works) 💍

How Do You Legally Get Married in Japan?

When Sophie and Taro decided to get married, they didn’t book a chapel, shop for a white dress, or even tell their families right away. Instead, they picked a weekday, grabbed two friends as witnesses, and headed to their local ward office. No bouquet. No aisle. Just a single form — the 婚姻届 (kon’in todoke).

And that was it.

Just like that, they were married.

In Japan, getting legally married isn’t about the ceremony — it’s about the paperwork.

📝 The Basics

You don’t need a wedding.

You don’t need rings.

You do need to file a 婚姻届 (kon’in todoke) — a marriage registration form — at your local 区役所 (ward office) or 市役所 (city hall).

The form includes:

Names, addresses, and birthdates

Signatures from two adult witnesses

Once it’s accepted, you are legally married.

If One Partner Is a Foreigner

You’ll also need:

A certificate of no impediment (proof you’re not already married)

A translation of your passport

Occasionally: patience, if the city clerk isn’t used to international cases

💡 Many couples in Japan skip the wedding entirely. The paperwork is the marriage.

💒 Wedding or No Wedding?

But of course, just a single form can be kind of boring. Couples still have plenty of options when it comes to how (or if) they celebrate.

From my own experience, I learned that Japanese weddings generally fall into five main styles:

1. 教会式 (Kyōkaishiki) – Western-Style Wedding

This is what many people imagine when they hear “wedding”: a white dress, a chapel-like setting (often nonreligious), and a walk down the aisle. These ceremonies are usually held at wedding venues or luxury hotels — for example, The Strings Omotesando offers elegant Western-style setups with high-end service.

Some venues specialize in this aesthetic and are booked months in advance. You can also take tours of these venues (called "bridal fair" ブライダルフェア), where you taste the food, try on outfits, and get a feel for the space. Sites like Zexy and Hanayume have huge searchable databases of venues — kind of the modern way to wedding-hunt.

2. 神前式 (Shinzen-shiki) – Shinto-Style Wedding

A more traditional route, held at Shinto shrines. You’ll see rituals like the san-san-kudo (sharing sake) and attire like the bride’s tsunokakushi — a hood meant to "hide her horns" of jealousy or ego, symbolizing her transition into marriage. (This may say a lot about how women were traditionally viewed.... by I digress 🙃)

One of the most famous venues is Meiji Jingu, where ceremonies are held in the shrine and receptions often take place next door at Meiji Kinenkan. If you're visiting as a tourist, you might even catch sight of a couple walking the grounds in full regalia.

I’ve seen how popular these venues get — they can cycle through multiple weddings in a single day. That conveyor-belt feel sometimes pushes couples toward more low-key or personalized spots, like stylish restaurants or small hotels.

3. 人前式 (Jinzenshiki) – Guest-Focused Ceremony

In this style, the couple makes their vows not to a god, but in front of family and friends. It's flexible, and can be held anywhere — from restaurants to gardens to mountaintops. The format is often DIY or customized, making it a favorite for couples who want something more casual or heartfelt.

4. 仏前式 (Butsuzenshiki) – Buddhist-Style Ceremony

Less common these days, but some families with strong Buddhist ties choose this option. It's held at a temple with monks officiating, and tends to be quiet and solemn. Unlike the others, this ceremony includes prayers for ancestors and often ties into family traditions.

5. 📸 No Ceremony, Just Photos

Plenty of couples — especially those looking to save money — skip the party and focus on a photo shoot instead. You can rent beautiful kimonos, book a professional shoot at a scenic location, and maybe have a small dinner after. I know couples who filed the kon’in todoke, did a kimono shoot weeks later, and called it a day. No stress, no debt, and still a keepsake.

What's the average cost for a full ceremony and reception? 💸

Around ¥3 million (~USD 20,000), though many couples offset the cost with ご祝儀 (goshūgi) — cash gifts from guests, typically around ¥30,000 per person.

Whether you're aiming for grandeur, tradition, or just a minimalist memory, Japan has a surprising variety of wedding styles — and if you’re engaged, venue-hopping via Zexy or Hanayume can actually be pretty fun. You get to dress up, try fancy food (free!), and imagine the day — even if you end up just choosing city hall and a good photo.

What Changes Legally after Marriage in Japan?

1. Name Change

In Japan, married couples are required to share the same last name (per the Civil Code). About 96% of the time, the wife takes the husband’s surname. Exceptions (like the husband taking the wife’s name or both keeping theirs via international loopholes) are rare and paperwork-heavy.

2. Family Registry (戸籍 / koseki)

Once married, a new family registry is created. This is the official record of your legal family unit in Japan — and it governs everything from taxes to visa status.

3. Spousal Visa

If one spouse is not a Japanese citizen, this legal marriage allows you to apply for a spouse visa, enabling you to live and work in Japan.

The Social Script: "Normal" vs. Reality

In Japan, social expectations around marriage are... strong.

Most Japanese marry in their late 20s; unmarried people past 30 may face subtle pressure.

Confession (*告白 / kokuhaku) still often precedes exclusivity.

Dating without a clear purpose can be seen as unserious

A Redditor describes his shock:

“When she said ‘I’m dating to get married’ on our third date, I panicked. Turns out that’s normal here.”

Japan Marriage Perks You Probably Didn’t Know About

Some cities offer grants of ¥500k–¥600k for newlyweds buying a home.

Your spouse may qualify for perks like housing or PR after 3 years of marriage.

Many companies provide 結婚祝い金 (kekkon iwai-kin)—a cash gift for employee marriages. (They often give gifts once you have a child, too.)

International & LGBTQ+ Realities

International Marriages

Most couples register marriage in Japan and then abroad (if needed).

A Redditor recounted needing translator services—or a Japanese friend—at the city hall to help navigating the process.

Same-Sex Couples

Nationally, same-sex marriage is still not legal, though cities like Tokyo and Osaka offer partnership certificates.

The Marriage Industry in Japan

Just like in many countries, marriage in Japan has an entire support ecosystem:

🧑‍💼 Kekkon Sōdanjo (結婚相談所) — Matchmaking Agencies

Think elite matchmaking services — professional, expensive, and serious.

IBJ is one of the largest, where clients undergo interviews, income verification, and are matched with compatible partners.

📱 Dating Apps

Apps like Pairs, Omiai, and Tapple are hugely popular.

Marriage-minded profiles often include phrases like:

結婚を前提に (looking for marriage)

真剣に探しています (serious intentions only)

First Dates → Marriage: How Relationships Flow in Japan

So how do you get to marriage? Good question. Here's a rough flowchart of dating → marriage in Japan:

First few dates: Usually casual — cafés, izakayas, karaoke.

Kokuhaku (告白): One person officially confesses feelings and asks to be exclusive. No kokuhaku = often not considered a “real” relationship.

Dating Period: Varies. Some couples marry after 6 months; others after years.

Proposal: May or may not be dramatic. Some couples simply agree it's time and file paperwork.

Kon’in Todoke: Legal marriage begins the day this is accepted at city hall.

Curious about the dating phase? We have dating in Japan tips in our related article.

Vocabulary to Know

婚姻届 (kon’in todoke) – marriage registration form

戸籍 (koseki) – family registry

ご祝儀 (goshūgi) – wedding gift money

結婚相談所 (kekkon sōdanjo) – matchmaking agency

告白 (kokuhaku) – confession of love

結婚 (kekkon) – marriage

TL;DR: Marriage in Japan Is...

✅ Bureaucratic, but simple ✅ Optional ceremonies, required paperwork ✅ Heavily shaped by social norms ✅ Changing slowly to become more inclusive

Whether you’re navigating your own relationship, curious about cultural differences, or just fascinated by how other countries do love and marriage — Japan’s marriage system is a mirror into modern Japanese values. And like many things in Japan, it blends old customs with modern realities in unexpected ways.

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